When it comes to getting someone to like you enough to be in your relationship with you, even in the short term, there are a lot of different strategies. The one I see played out the most, is becoming someone’s “friend.” Now, when you think about it makes sense; becomes someone’s friend, then, learn about them, then, become lovers, right? It makes a lot of sense logically, but does not actually work that way. I’ll tell you more about this very soon.
Take the average male; he wants to court his special girl that he probably doesn’t know much about. His idea? To learn more about her by becoming her friend! This would work if it weren’t for the fact that women generally don’t perceive this nice guy become her friend strategy as anything close to being a lover; there are critical pieces missing. And that, is where the problem lies. Everyday you play “friends”, you’re building a level of comfort with her that repeatedly lowers her attraction to you. Why? Because, from the outset, her first impression is that you have no sexual desire whatsoever towards her (I’ve done this more times than I can count). By doing this, you’re literally shooting yourself in the foot. You’re playing her game to make her feel comfortable enough to date you. Unfortunately, when that comfort sets in , she can no longer think of you as a sexual being. As a result, she will give you exactly what you gave, a friendship. For most, I don’t think that’s what they want.
If you want to be more than friends, don’t try to be friends in the first place; you’re only wasting your time, and hers. Meet her with your sexual desire as a man intact, or let it go.
Lambda's Corner 