Back To Basics – Creating The Man Before The Gentleman

There is a blog I frequent called the “Art Of Manliness.” This blog mainly focuses on the classical manliness that was a part of our culture in the 19th and  20th centuries. After coming into my awareness, the quote “You have to be a man, before you can be a gentleman”, makes a lot more sense.

As the human race pushes forward, everyone wants to define their own form of masculinity — one that includes themselves in most cases. Men want to know they’re men, and rationalizing the attributes to fit themselves helps. Why? I think the issue is because, they feel they must fit more than one role in society today. And so, he begins to tag excess attributes on to manliness to fit all the roles he perceives he needs to play. These attributes to fit his identity, but as a result, cause confusion in his attempts to simplify what a man is. After much thought, I don’t think this process is necessary — at least not for me.

In essence, the son becomes a man once he strives to better himself, for himself (independence). His creations by design service his inner creativity; subject to criticism from others, but continues on the path he’s chosen for himself. Feelings and virtues in his adolescence that have yet to be changed by external forces. He’s on an adventure, by himself, adapting, and as a result becomes more independent. Fostered through challenge and experience, a character that refuse stagnation. Self sacrifice is not the mark of a man, but the survival of all he holds dear (including himself) is the key; he is not expendable. The “gentleman” is just the chivalrous sugar over the raw character, that can be easily switched off.

Growing into Awareness, Becoming A Better Man For Me

After reading “The Rational Male” by Rollo Tomassi, my long time views were shaken and turned into an awareness. I won’t say it completely helped me understand women in terms of interpersonal relationships, but rather the framework of their mind in terms of finding a partner/spouse. Judging from the book title, that may be strange, but let me explain.

In short, the underpinnings of women’s strategy for finding a mate changes as she ages. In her 20’s she likes confident, going, strong males — think rock-star or biker gang member. Later on, around 30, she wants security in her relationship, which the rock male, may never provide. So, she turns to the provider male, the “white knight” — potential geek in high school, the nice guy, who wanted to appease her with kindness, and unrelenting love. All of these things are subconscious to her, and she may not know she’s doing this; for me I’ve seen it in my everyday life. This has led me to a fundamental change, a shift in my understanding — awareness which I will detail now.

This “awareness” has prompted me to not live for others, but for myself and my values, even more so than before. the way women love may be fundamentally different from men, a harsh reality to consider. But, this fundamental complementary love, drives men to greater heights in their own ambitions. That is where I stake my claim — to fundamentally shift towards a life of self improvement for me. Any potential women who comes along, is not my center point, but complementary to my life — as it should be. The awareness I’ve gained may have destroyed old fantasies of the one girl who will love me unconditionally, but it has firmly placed me as the ruler of my own soul. I will not compromise my self worth for any potential spouse as a result; my first priority is my own ambition.